The Fever Breaks

Often I see people who are in the same position I was in nine months ago, people who want to change so badly but have given up hope in the face of such a huge challenge.  I totally understand the fear and desperation that keeps them trapped in an unhealthy body because I did if for years.   I wish I had a magical ability to lay my hands on them and let them experience for just a moment how good I feel now.   Those few seconds would be all the motivation they would need.  I'm not superwoman and I have many challenges so believe me: if I can do this, anyone can.

I still have a long ways to go, but even now I have a brand new life!   Sitting in the pool with my cousin Devon this weekend, I told her that one of the best things that has come about is that the inner worry and fear that was living in my old body was gone. It was a thing that occupied my mind almost constantly, whispering to me, "I'm afraid to go (fill in the blank for any number of places) because I might have to park far away and walk and I'll never make it." Or, "I can't sit there because I won't fit." Or, "I can't go there because I might have to stand for a long time." Or, "I can't get out there in my bathing suit in front of every body." 

This weekend was the first time I realized that voice that used to paralyze me and limit my life was gone and the effect was almost like a fever breaking.  You can't imagine how much more at ease I am now, how much more easy going!   It was like getting out of a bad relationship.

Over the long weekend I washed and waxed my car, two hours of physical activity on my feet that I would never have been able to do before. We also went to an outdoor wedding that almost got rained out.  As the storm clouds gathered and the preacher tried to hurry the ceremony along, I was confident in the knowledge that should the skies open up, I could kick off my shoes and run for shelter.    At the after-party after the reception, I played cornhole for an hour and then danced with my husband.   The next day I spent the day at the water park and in the lake, then ran home, got cleaned up and spent two hours walking around Super Wal-mart.   The next day we went out to the race track to see my cousin Charlie race, and walking up and down from where we were set up to the starting line, carrying chairs and coolers, was something I couldn't and wouldn't have done last year - especially in the heat.   I can't lay my hands on people and magically show them how better I feel, but trust me when I say that there's a whole new world waiting out there, and it's awesome!

Go Charlie!

Me and my crazy husband, waiting for the track to cool down and the race to start.

Me and one of my number #1 supporters, Devon

Waging the War

Fighting the fight was tough for me this week.  I 100 calorie-ed myself to death and it resulted in no weight loss after my 8 pound victory last week.  The lesson I learned was that I have a tendency to ease up on my grip once I've had a big loss and not watch things as closely as I did the previous week.  It was tough to stand on the scale and realize that despite all my hard work in the gym, those little "healthy" snacks here and there (and far too often) had caught up with me.  

It turned me into what I despise most: a cry baby.  Right there in front of my gym family, the tidal wave of my guilt and disappointment broke over me and I lost it.  I was so embarrassed but my team surrounded me with love and support that was overwhelming.  I've said it before and will no doubt say it again but the difference for me this time is 100% due to these people: Jeff, Marisa, and my team mates.   I have sweated with them, built muscles with them, shared victories and defeats with them, cried with them, laughed with them, and fought along side them.    I now understand how soldiers become so bonded with each other.  We're not fighting a war with weapons on foreign soil, but rather the war within ourselves and against that part of ourselves that can be equally as dangerous and as deadly as a gun.   To have someone beside you who knows what you are going through and who has been with you through the emotional and physical battles of the weight loss war is powerfully bonding.  As Millie said, we all came into this program expecting to lose weight and get healthy, but what we didn't expect was the amazing friendships that have grown between all of us and our trainers.

Thursday I got emotional but still made it through our workout. Friday I came back fighting...literally in Marisa's kick boxing class.  It felt so good!   I'm good at punches and kicks and it felt awesome to channel my frustrations into some intense cardio set to aggressive Pink songs.  

On this Memorial Day weekend I want to say thank you to all of our troops past and present who have fought the good fight to keep us safe and our freedom intact.   I also want to thank my trainers, my team  mates, and everyone who has supported me fighting the good fight towards health and life.   To anyone out there who is waging the same war as I am and sometimes having those days where you feel like you just can't go on, keep your head up and know that you can endure.  Those bad days will come but in the words of Pink, "So what. I'm still a rock star."

When The Road Gets Rough

Watching The Biggest Loser finale this week I found it interesting to hear Ally congratulate each contestant on their "journey" because that's what I've called my own struggle since that first day in September.    If you have more than just 10 pounds to lose, the struggle is a journey.  The road has it's twists and turns. Sometimes there's a sunny day where you have the top down, wind in your hair, cruising at top speed with your favorite song on the stereo and nothing but smooth, flat pavement ahead of you.   Then some days, the road is jagged, curvy, and you feel like you're headed straight up a mountain in a rain storm, with nothing in your gas tank and two flat tires. 

Last week the journey was like a fun college road trip.  This week has been more of the treacherous commute variety.   My right foot hurt so bad during my workouts and for some reason I just didn't have much energy.  My competitive spirit was on the bench and sent the next player, Survival Mode Jenn, into the game in its place.

Tuesday Marisa set up one circuit that included 50 bench step ups.   When it was my turn, I stood behind the bench, put the supporting leg up, took a deep breathe and....stepped back in defeat.  I stared at the bench.  I started to step up and then stepped back again.   I was afraid and irrational.   Then I walked away and went into the group exercise room by myself in frustration, defeat and embarrassment.  

After some coaching from Marisa, I came out and found Millie on one side of the bench and Sylvia on the other.  "I know you can do this." Marisa said.   I looked at Millie and then at Sylvia.  They had total faith in me, more than I had in myself.   I took a deep breathe, backed up a couple of steps for momentum and lifted myself up onto that bench.   Then I did it again. Then I did it 48 more times, encouraged on the whole way by Millie, Sylvia and Marisa.  That's the difference.  When the road gets rough, when you're out of gas, when your tires are busted and you're stranded...having your support team is better than triple A any day!

The President's Challenge

Remember the President's Physical Fitness Test from elementary school back-in-the-day?   As part of National Employee Health and Fitness day, Team Reesy did the President's Challenge during our Monday group workout.   I remember how I felt about the test back in elementary school.  Boy, I would dread that day.  Today I was excited to give it a shot and see if I could do it! Totally different attitude some twenty-some years later.

It was tough! Crunches, push ups, pull ups and of course: the mile.   That was hardest for me because it took me the longest.  It's hard to see those folks that you started out working out with, but who have less weight to lose than you do, achieving their fitness goals before you do. If we had been actually doing the mile outside instead of indoors on treadmills, my team mates would have literally left me behind, the way my faster classmates did back in school during the President's test.   Even more challenging is the fact that the treadmill hurts my heel so bad that it feels like a nail driving into it with every step.   But I didn't want to give up.   I wanted to finish this challenge.   The last three tenths I decided to run and the only thing I could do to keep me going was saying audibly to myself, "Push, push, push."  I probably sounded like a labor and delivery coach.   I wanted to cry.  Something about working out makes me emotional.    It's hard when you want to be the best and you just physically can't do it yet.

But I completed the challenge!  And from what I can remember, I did better than what I did in elementary school.   I have to remind myself that you don't always have to win....it's staying in the race that counts.

Jenn & Millie Vs. The Crouton Bag

Millie and I were fixing salads for lunch: lettuce, carrots, a smidge of cheese, olives, turkey pepperoni, low fat Italian dressing...and then I pulled out the crouton bag.  Ta da!  Carbs: the forbidden fruit.  

"Look, I just have to have some croutons," I said to Millie. "And there are only 30 calories per serving. I'm eating them!"

"Shoot, girl me too!"  Millie said. 

We both laughed like we were kids getting away with something bad.  Finally!  She struggled to get the bag open while I kept a lookout to see if Marisa was coming around the corner.    She couldn't get it open.   Dang!   I gave it my best shot - to no avail.

"Millie, we're strong!  Seriously...what's wrong with this bag?" I exclaimed. 

We struggled for 5 more minutes before giving up and hunting down scissors.  Those croutons tasted so good...hey, go for a week without carbs and see what levels you're willing to sink to! And I only half-way believe that Marisa cast some sort of carb-blocking spell on us.

Challenge: Pig Pickin'

It was another beautiful weekend!   Mixed into our jammed pack weekend was a fine old Southern tradition: a pig pickin'.    As always, most of our traditions are centered around food, and the pig pickin' is no exception.  It was a challenge, but I've learned how to deal with those now.  I steered away from the mac and cheese and potato casseroles, and towards good ol' home cooked vegetables like butter beans and field peas.    I did have some barbeque, but kept it in moderation.   I avoided the dessert table all together and had some watermelon instead.  And you know what?  My world didn't end.   I focused more on the friends, family, and music going on and less on the food.  We even helped take down tables and chairs afterward, so I got a little cardio and strength training in!

The line was long, but it was worth it!

Me and the hubby

The Warriors

So, the boys decided to respond to our Team Reesy shirts.  We expected nothing less!  Shortly after our t-shirt debut, the guys got organized and decided to call themselves the Warriors.  They even compared themselves to William Wallace in Braveheart.  I told Milly that day, "If they come running out of the locker room one day with blue faces, hollering 'FREEDOM', I'm gonna fall off of whatever machine I'm on."

Below is what happened at yesterday's workout:

Team Reesy, innocently getting a warm up in: Sylvia, Mary, Cadelia and me.

Until this happened: Jeff M, George, Dana, Frank, Jeff and Roy

Jeff is responsible for Roy's "guns".  Mine too!

 

 

Dana and Frank

 

 

 

 

 

Marisa with Double Trouble: Frank and Roy

The Whole Team minus Lakshmi: Sylvia, Jenn, Dana, Milly, George, Frank, Jeff M, Mary, Roy and Cadelia

Then it was time to get to work:

And, at the end of Week One of the Battle of the Sexes, Team Reesy emerged victorious with a cumulative 18 pound loss over the Warriors 6 pound loss.  We GO girls!

YES!

I have been on this plateau for four weeks.  The scale wouldn't move.   I would work harder.  I would eat bad. The scale wouldn't move.  Work hard, slip up on the food.  Work hard, slip up on the food.  The scale remained the same.   I had seriously begun to doubt myself again and wonder how in the world I had managed to lose 72 pounds.  I began to fear failure more so than stairs, sea gulls, and random pyromaniac murderers.  I really started to panic about the situation.

Thank goodness for this Battle of the Sexes. Competition looming made me get my act together and eat exactly as I should. Marisa, who is as competitive as I am, stepped up our workouts and pushed us to new levels.   I've never worked out this hard in my life!

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd,.........I LOST 8 POUNDS THIS WEEK!   YES!  The grand total is now 77.  Just goes to prove to me that you can't get complacent or rest on your laurels.  You have to push hard every day. It pays off! 

My new goal is 10 pounds next week.  Not sure if I can do it, but I'm going to try hard.  Taking an idea from Jay on the Biggest Loser, I'm writing how much weight I want to lose this week on the inside of my wrist:

This Lizard

I'm not a sweet tooth - Doritos and salty snacks are my craving - but I must say that one thing I miss in the unhealthy food category is a Dairy Queen Blizzard.   Last night I saw a commercial for one and it made my mouth water.    When we were kids during summers at the lake, at night we'd take the boat over to Goldston's where there were rides, a huge arcade and a Dairy Queen.  The service was surly but a Butterfinger Blizzard on a hot summer night was a little piece of heaven.

A couple of years ago my husband and I were on our way back from South Carolina and pulled off of I-95 to get gas and lo and behold there was a Dairy Queen.  Of course the line at the counter was twelve deep but I was bound and determined that I was going to get my fix no matter how long I had to stand there. The line slowly crept forward until there was only one woman in front of me.   I had noticed that she was wearing one of those custom made family reunion t-shirts - I had stood behind her in line long enough to memorize her whole family tree - but little did I suspect what was about to happen.

When it was her turn in line she waved her arm rapidly towards a big chartered bus in the parking lot, and the whole busload of people came pouring out to give her their orders.   It is a testament to my love for the Blizzard - and my hard-headedness - that I still stood there in line as each family member placed their order....all with the exception of one woman.   She hemmed and hawed debating what to get while I seethed silently and shifted from foot to foot. 

"A hot dog?  Do you want a hamburger?   How about a Blizzard?" her relative asked patiently.

She shook her head and said, "This lizard don't want no Blizzard!"

I almost screamed, "Well this lizard does so would you order already!"

Eventually it was my turn and I was able to get my treat and get back on the road.    Man, the lengths I would go to for a Blizzard!   Something that would be consumed in minutes, but hang around my hips for the next three years.  I can control myself these days, but man sometimes this lizard really wants a Blizzard!

Signs You Have Had a Good Workout

In honor of Marisa's killer step class today, I offer the following list:

Signs You Have Had a Good Workout

• You stumble into the locker room with hair looking like Nick Nolte's mug shot.
• You have a sudden craving for protein so strong that find yourself saying, in a flat zombie voice, "Steeeeeaaaaak."
• You can literally wring your gym clothes out. 
• You suddenly find yourself dressed and realize you were so zoned out you don't remember. "How did I get in these clothes? 
• You find yourself hyper-aware of food smells.  Me to Florence as we got on the elevator to go back upstairs after Step, "Someone's had french fries on this elevator."
• You attack your lunch like a wolverine over fresh kill.
• Even after attacking your lunch like a wolverine, you are still hungry.
• You feel like you have been on a short trip to the Amazon.
• 2 hours after class your muscles stiffen up and suddenly you have the legs of Godzilla. 
• You feel like you could literally eat your desk...then you begin imagining the desk with A-1 sauce, maybe a little ranch.  You wonder how many calories are in a serving of desk.  Is desk considered a carb?  

2010 Jenn

Thank you so much to my family, friends and co-workers who have made my birthday special! I definitely feel the love and it is much appreciated!   Man, when I think about the person I was on this day last year, I am staggered.   2010 Jenn was a girl who was only living half of her life, at half of her potential.  She was unhealthy and encumbered with weight and fear.   She didn't know it at the time, but in just shy of four months, she was about to change her life forever.   She was sitting on the side lines of life although most people who knew her would never have guessed.  She put up a good front, but inside she was held back by many things.

Fast forward one year and it's a whole new life! For my birthday this year I am going to forgo the birthday cake and instead give myself a present: life, health and wellness.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the cards, the decorations at my desk, the gifts, phone calls, Facebook shout outs, and for the elevator serenade! And also thanks for coming on this journey with me!

Sunny Day

My favorite thing in the world to do is swim.  It always has been.    From babies we were taught how to swim out on the sandbar in the sound at Topsail Island and in the shallow waters of White Lake. In fact, up until recently swimming was my only athletic ability.  For my birthday (it's tomorrow)  my wonderful cousins Devon and Charlie arranged a cookout at their family pool, and it was the best birthday gift ever!  A few couples got together to grill and enjoy what turned out to be a wonderful sunny day. 

One thing I never let my weight hold me back from was swimming in a pool.  Yes, I always felt self conscious in a bathing suit, but I just loved swimming so much that it over-rode any embarrassment.   Not that I would really swim much....it mainly consisted of floating around and occasionally dipping my head under.

Yesterday I was swimming laps!  Wondering how my "new" muscles would respond to the water, I pushed off from the side of the pool and swam the width of the pool.  That felt so good that I did it again and again until I decided to swim the length of the pool a few times.  By this time, my little cousins had stopped what they were doing and decided to race me.  I was surprised when I could beat two eight year olds who are a lot younger and lighter than me. 

It was a great day and nothing beats that feeling of coming home tired (in a good way) and rosy from the sun.  Even better was taking a shower and putting on my comfy jammies.  Thanks Devon and Charlie for a wonderful day!

Before and Today

Lakshmi asked us to do some side by side comparisons of our weight loss so that she could see it and be inspired.  I'm calling it "Before and Today" because I'm a long way from "After".  Laks, this is for you:

Jenn, Before (November) and Today

 

Millie Before and Today

 

Tears and Sweat

Today we not only worked out our bodies, but our heart strings too.    Marisa had us write down traits we admire about each other while we took turns on the elliptical.  Sitting on the floor of the gym Indian-style with my team in our black and pink team outfits, I got emotional.  All of these people, even the boys who we are in competition with, mean so much to me.  And as for Jeff and Marisa, how do you begin to thank the people who saved your life?    It's been quite a ride so far, and it's not even close to being over.   Wow, to think that when I had my first workout with Jeff, all I could do was stand up and sit down over and over and over.   I bet I did it a thousand times. 

Somehow I managed to tell Millie, Mary, Marisa and Lakshmi a small portion of how I felt about them, although I bawled like a baby.  I wish the others had been able to be there too.   Here's what those wonderful women said about me:

  

I am so blessed.

Rings, Bling & Wonderful Things

Check out Marisa's new bling!   Congrats Marisa and Clint! So excited for you guys!

Clint did good!

Me, Reesy and THE RING

On a similar note, my wedding band and diamond are getting so loose on my finger from losing weight, that I'm going to have to put them on a chain soon!

15 Seconds To Freedom

I've always wanted to be able to jog along on the treadmill like I see people doing in the gym. I like the rhythm of sneakers slapping the belt and I like the way our synchronized feet sound in step class when the music goes quiet for a few seconds and all you hear is the cadence of our stomps. In fact, I feel like with exercise, if I can get in a good rhythm with whatever I'm doing, whether it's hateful squat reps, doing a step class, or most recently - jogging on the treadmill - it helps my form and endurance.  

I've also learned that besides making you look and feel better, exercise has practical applications.   Last night I was in the grocery store (story of my life) trying to choose between brands of tuna fish, when I heard an altercation towards the front of the store. I looked around me and no one seemed concerned, so I continued my shopping down to the salad dressings.   There I was weighing the odds of taste satisfaction versus calorie content, when the shouting began again.   I threw the low-cal dressing in my buggy (if zombies are taking over this grocery store, I won't have to eat it anyway) and scooted towards the back of the store.

At this point I start to panic because the shouting gets louder.  I think I can make out the words "gun" and "snitch".  Oh snap! I round the corner so sharply  that my cart's on three wheels and all the food goes sliding to one side, salad dressing bottle clinking loudly against the jar of olives (I'm sooo subtle).   Okay, panic time....I'm the only one in the back of the store.   The shouting abruptly stops and the store is silent. I am at this point convinced that all of the employees and customers are being held at gunpoint up front by the registers and the assailants (in my mind there was a full-on masked crew taking over Food Lion) are searching the store for any stragglers.

 I head towards the back corner of the store, stealing glances down each aisle as I creep by.  Oh no!  I lock eyes with a weird man over a display of dog food. Yikes! Pushing my cart as fast as I can, I hit the eggs and milk section where I know the emergency exit door is.   Here's my exit strategy: bolt out the back door as fast as I can (now that I can RUN!) should anything crazier go down.  But there on the door was a sign that said, "Emergency Exit. Push and hold handle. Alarm will sound and door will open in 15 seconds."

15 seconds?  Seriously?   Anyone who has ever held a plank position can tell you how long 15 seconds really is.   The robbers can burst back here and get me in 15 seconds once that alarm goes off.   Luckily about that time I see a blue strobe light towards the front of the store.  Yay the police are here! I can quit cowering by the imitation butter now.

Turns out there was an altercation in the parking lot where someone called someone else a snitch and displayed a gun.   The "snitch" then went running into the grocery store shouting for 911.  The bad guys were taken away and I was able to purchase my low fat salad dressing and go on home, but hey - at least I knew I could run away should the need arise!

Go Team Reesy!

It's so hard for me to keep a surprise to myself and I always want to immediately give someone a gift the minute I have it, which is why today was awesome because we finally debuted our Team Reesy (aka Marisa) shirts! Prior to the group workout at 2:30 we gathered in the upstairs bathroom to change (she'd see them too early in the locker room) and went downstairs as a group to surprise her.   We even had pink and black hair bows because even in the gym, we are accessorized!

Millie and I getting ready....

Taking the stairs down to the gym....

Surprise Marisa!

Team Reesy: Brooke, Millie, Me, Marisa, Lakshmi, Mary, Florence and Cara (We missed you Sylvia and Cadelia)

After our butt-kicking workout: Millie, Marisa and Jenn

The boys were working out too and they tried to heckle, but I know they're afraid!

The Lake

One of my favorite places in the world is White Lake, NC.   I grew up there during my childhood summers with my cousins Jason and Holly.   We have so many wonderful family memories in the water, by the water, and on the water.  Saturday was the first day of this year that I've gotten over to the lake and it was great to visit with everyone, especially Holly and Jason and their children.    It was crazy to watch the little ones play at the water's edge the way we used to when we were kids.

Obviously, a lot has changed!  We build our homes and careers instead of sandcastles now.  We drive cars instead of golf carts.  We have a lot more to worry about these days than whether to spend the afternoon swimming or playing video games at the arcade.

One big change is our outlook on health and wellness.  The three of us have all struggled with our weight at one point or another in our lives.   We look back and laugh at how we used to get up on those summer mornings and wash our powdered donuts down with Tang.  Talk about a sugar rush!  Times have changed and now when we get together a lot of what we talk about is healthy food and work outs.   Holly has just completed a 5K, I'm on my wellness journey, and Jason did a triathalon this weekend!   I think we're a good example for this next generation of our family! Looking forward to a healthy summer at the Lake!

Jenn and Jason

Jenn and Maggie, Holly's daughter

Don't Call It A Comeback

I've been feeling a little weird this week...restless, unsettled, and in general just not right.  Something I couldn't put my finger on was bugging me until the light bulb went off and I realized what was wrong: my muscles felt too good.  Having one or multiple aching muscle groups is now the norm for me and also my badge of honor for a job well done.  It was making me feel strange and anxious that nothing was hurting.   I've done nothing but cardio this week and so naturally, in all my paranoid glory, I automatically started panicking about losing my muscle tone. 

"Something's gonna hurt when I leave this gym today." I declared to Sylvia later when we met up at the gym.  

She was game, God bless her.   We started out with a warm-up on the bike before moving on to a four circuit Tabata blast on the elliptical (http://www.tabataprotocol.com/), then did some free weights and the cable cross machine.  We ended with four more circuits on the elliptical.  

Whew!  Just what I needed!  Thank you Sylvia!  You are an awesome work out partner. You are encouraging but you also do your own thing and work hard. You're calm and cool and you never give in or give up.

As I stretched out on my back on the ball - the "feel free to take me Jesus" pose, I call it - a head-banging, metal version of LL Cool J's "Momma Said Knock You Out" came on over the Pandora radio I was listening to on my phone.   It made me smile.  "Don't call it a comeback!"

In Case of Possible Zombie Attack

I have a hilarious friend who says that his whole motivation for being in the gym is to be physically prepared in case zombies eventually attack Resident Evil style.  He says that all you need to do is be able to run fast, shoot straight, and have the ability to scale a wall in the event you need to get away from them.  The other day I staggered out of the group exercise room to get some water and he asked me if I was prepared.   I told him that on top of my cardio, my trigger finger muscles are ready.   

All kidding aside, it's important to be able to at least be able to give yourself a fighting chance to get away from an approaching assailant, whether that be a mugger, rapist, or an incoming zombie chanting, "Braiiiiiinssssss..." In my former body, I certainly couldn't run away from anything.   I had no muscular strength.  I was virtually defenseless.   Now I can sprint! And if that isn't fast enough, I know I can knock them out with my cross punch.  It's always good to be ever vigilant!

Battle of the Sexes

During the month of May, my Transformation team and our trainers will be waging the Battle of the Sexes.  Jeff is only going to train the guys and Marisa will exclusively train the girls. The winner is going to receive a really nice mystery prize.  It's great motivation for me because even mentioning the word "competition" makes my ears perk up like a doberman.

Laks, Milly, and I started the month off early with a Saturday Zumba class. I haven't done that class for several months because, as hard as I go at it 5 days a week, my trainers have advised me to take the weekends off most of the time. But it's game on now and it was a trip to see, or rather feel, how far I've come since that first Zumba class last October. Back then my muscles would stiffen up and clamp down on me when I tried to move them. I would also  collapse against the wall for dear life between each song. It's a different story now! I have so much more endurance and flexibility!   I almost treat workouts as a cool little experiment to see what new "trick" I can do each week.

This week's experiment....Boot Camp! Milly and I were definitely out of our comfort zone but it was a great challenge and we made it!  I don't know what the boys are up to, but I know the ladies are bringing it!