Lord of the Pants

One Christmas the gift giving theme on one side of my family was pajama pants.   Mine were blue with fluffy white sheep on them, so when I tried them on and modeled them for the family, I did a little jig I called the "sheep dance."  This started a trend in that everyone who got a pair of pjs had to create an interpretive dance for the family based on the theme of their pants.  It was awesome. We said we needed to take our show on the road and call it "Lord of the Pants". We're all silly, but we have a good time together.

Last night I stood in front of my closet, contemplating what I was going to wear to work. Back towards the very end of my closet I spied a glimpse of bubble gum pink- my favorite capri pants from several years ago when I lost weight with Weight Watchers!  I'd forgotten about them!  See, for several years after I gained the Weight Watchers pounds back, I tried over and over to get back into those pants, even though at the time I hadn't done anything to warrant weight loss.  Then I just stopped attempting to wear them and hung them up in the back of the closet in defeat.  Then I gave up altogether.

Holding the pink pants in my hand, I asked myself if I had the guts to try them on.  What if they still didn't fit after all of this blood, sweat and tears?  I think I'd want to fling myself into the nearest ditch.

Curiosity won out over fear, and lo and behold - they fit! I did a happy dance around the bedroom in them. The jack russells even got into the frenzy.   Next I rushed over to the closet and started plundering, finding all of my capris in pretty spring colors and patterns....from a time when I felt confident not just to hide in black pants. They fit too! A victorious impromptu fashion show for my husband and the terriers was then necessary.    They probably all think I'm crazy but who cares?  I'm Lord of the Pants!
 

Snakes!

Yesterday the usual crew was changing clothes in the locker room when someone said, "I heard there were snakes down here...like someone saw them under the treadmills." Snakes!  Seriously, snakes?!  My heart stopped for a moment and my jaw literally dropped.   I hate snakes and fear them almost as much as I do the stairs.   Like working out isn't a challenge enough, now you have to throw reptiles into the mix?   The rumor was quickly squashed though. Turns out that it was a rumor and there weren't any snakes at all. I've spent a zillion hours down in the gym and haven't ever seen the first slither, so I calmed down went on to my next fear inducing event, pull ups.

You know, as heinous as snakes are, there could be some uses for them in a workout:

• Want to get more speed on the treadmill?  Have a snake chase you.
•  Use them as resistance bands.
• Jump rope with them.
• A snake pit obstacle course a la Indiana Jones to increase balance.
• Have your trainer throw them at you....if you can dodge a snake you can dodge a ball.
• Set them under your step at step class...that will motivate you up those risers.

In all seriousness, if my trainers are reading this...please don't get any ideas.  : )

Pre-Summer Buzz

It was a beautiful Easter weekend on the coast of North Carolina!  Our family gathered together to open up our beach house at Topsail Island, and to do the big Spring Clean. It was also our first time driving our new car to the beach, and what a thrill it was to put the top down!  

After a long day of cleaning, we decided to join my dad and his fiance for dinner.  I had a glass of chardonnay before we left for the restaurant and I must say it hit me quick (guess having 72 pounds off will lower your tolerance).  As we cruised along the beach road (the husband was driving) with the top down, the ocean over my shoulder, some great tunes bumping out of the speakers, and a slight buzz from the wine, I realized how amazingly free I felt. I closed my eyes and felt the wind on my face and thought, it doesn't get much better than this.

See, I love summer, but for the past few years I have dreaded it.    I have been a person who didn't feel healthy enough to be active on the beach, who sat on the sidelines while everyone else was riding jet skis, who didn't have the stamina to walk a couple of blocks down to the water at the lake, who hid inside and looked out at the life she desperately wished she had back...but no longer.   I didn't start out in life that way and I sure as heck am not going to end my life over it either.    I can't wait for this summer!  I am going to be back to the active me who has the ability to enjoy anything she wants! Pass the SPF. 

Get up Jennifer

This is hard folks, I'm here to tell you.   Not every day is sunshine and puppies and rainbows.   I have to tell myself this constantly because I am a Type A personality who automatically thinks things are going to go her way.    This week I've been good with my food and worked so hard that walking up to the scale I anticipated a 10 pound loss.   No sir.  3 pound loss.   And that's good and everything but it took the wind out of my sails.    2 weeks the scale doesn't move and then it only moves down three pounds?  Really? 

So, I had an attitude when we began the workout because I felt defeated by a three pound loss.   Jeff started us out on the floor doing push-up rotations.  I stopped a couple of times and had to audibly say to myself, "Get up. Get up, Jennifer.  Get your *&^ up!"  I made it through the workout, had a slight drama queen moment in the locker room over my disappointment, and now feel better about it.

This is hard....and my heart goes out to anyone who is struggling with any aspect of a weight loss journey.  Whether you have a little or a lot to lose, it's daunting.  But remember, even if you have to talk out loud to yourself, even if people think you're slightly crazy for talking to yourself,  even if you've lost over 100 pounds twice before and gained it back (like I did),  even if it's been months since you've worked out and you've resorted to wearing your "buffet pants" to work every day....get up.   Get back up. 

Come On Ride The Train

I've been trying to get more lean protein in my diet because it is good for you - especially when you're working out as much as I do - and it takes longer for your body to break it down, therefore you stay full longer.  I think I've developed a good combination of my body running more efficiently (better gas, better engine) and me being more in tune with it, because I feel almost the immediate results of my food choices. 

Yesterday I stuck to my lean proteins and veggies and felt amazing. We had a killer step class, but I felt strong and empowered. The soundtrack was old school stuff like Quad City DJ's ("come on ride the train"), Young MC ("just bust a move"), and other tracks from way back, that are just infectious and get you moving.   Immediately after was abs class...10 minutes of non-stop crunches.  Whew! I staggered out of there.  Since I'd basically been going up and down steps for an hour in class, I felt justified in taking the elevator back up.   Just when I thought I was in the clear, out popped Jeff telling me to take the three flights of stairs up.    I was too tired for fight or flight, so I said a bad word and complied. 

The day ended with dinner with my awesome Girls Night Out group.   My good friend Debbie, who I haven't seen in several months, actually did a double take when she saw me.  She's eating right as well, so it was nice to have a buddy who was avoiding the tempting cornbread too. I also found a healthy option on the menu in the steak kabobs and steamed veggies.

Now if I can manage to avoid all of the Easter candy floating around here, I'll be golden.

The Gauntlet

Walking in to the gym yesterday I saw two of the guys on my Transformation team who were just finishing their workout with Jeff.    They were trying to catch their breathe and looked as if someone had upended a water bucket over their heads. 

"What happened to y'all?!" I asked.  Ha ha....apparently the same thing that was about to happen to me. 

George on my team referred to it as the gauntlet and it turned out to be the hardest workout I've had yet.   Sylvia and I ran multiple sprints (I still marvel every time my feet leave the ground), lifted more weight than ever before, slugged it out on the elliptical, and went back to repeat all of it all over again.

The very last thing we did was get on the elliptical and try to hit the speeds Jeff would call out.   And I'll note that he turned the setting to the hardest level, 25.  Here I was drenched with sweat, exhausted, and my legs felt like Jello.   I really didn't think I had anything left in me and Jeff wanted us to hit a speed of 185.  I looked at him like he'd lost his mind, but he was dead serious.  "We're not stopping till you get 185."

I dug down and gave it all I had and couldn't reach it.   170, 174, still not even close to 180.  One big burst of energy and I got it to 184.  Seriously? I wanted to fall in the floor and admit defeat, but I looked over at Sylvia on the elliptical next to me (she'd already hit 185) and she said, "You can do it."   I looked at Jeff.  He agreed.   So I went all out.  I bet I looked crazy, all gritted teeth and arms and legs flying all about, but I did it - 186!!!  I may have looked like I was about to vomit, with crazy hair and a drenched shirt.  I may not have been able to walk a straight line momentarily...but I did it!   I survived the gauntlet.  

Taking It Back

Sunday was a beautiful day in Southeastern North Carolina after the scary and devastating weather Saturday brought with it.   Thank goodness all of my family and friends (especially those in Sanford) made it through unscathed.   Relief for safe passage made the sunny weather all that much more wonderful!   Eric and I headed out to the air show at ILM with a group of friends.   We had a great time and I'm proud to say that I avoided the fattening but oh-so-tempting fair food that called my name as I walked by.

And speaking of walking, I got my workout in for the day!   I bet we walked three or four miles, something I never could have done this time last year. This time last year, I would have had to make excuses to our friends on why we couldn't attend. Sad but true. What "average" or "normal" folks would think nothing of (ie: walking around at an air show) used to enslave me.  This fact really drove home to me that I am taking my life back, one day, one experience at a time! My goodness is it worth it!

The parachute that kicked off the air show. 

What's this....he's sitting down and I'm on my feet? That's a switch!

Down By the River

Today was a beautiful, sunny day in downtown Wilmington!  A bunch of us from work went out to lunch to celebrate a co-worker's promotion.   I ordered a salad with grilled chicken but what really looked good were the burgers and fries!  I have felt hungry more often this week for some reason but I'm trying really hard to keep myself in check.   This afternoon's trick to avoid the snack machine came in the form of sugar-free cough drops.  I have found also that if I can just distract myself for a few minutes, the hunger goes away.    Whether it's cough drops, brushing my teeth, or chewing through a pack of gum....whatever works is what I'm willing to do 'cause bathing suit season is not far off!

Lunch down by the river.

Swaps and Squats

Remember lunch table negotiations back when you were a kid?   You'd look into your lunch box and see what your mom had packed, compare it with your neighbor, and then start the bidding war. I was awesome at it because I've had food issues almost from birth.  Momma says I used to sit in my highchair and hum because I was so happy to be eating.    So naturally I developed excellent bargaining skills early on in the elementary school cafeteria, trading off my healthy food for the Doritos, Ho Ho's, and Cheetos Mom refused to buy.

Today Sylvia and I had to laugh because we caught ourselves swapping snacks.   We struck a bargain in my 90 calorie Special K bar for her 100 calorie Weight Watchers carrot cake treat.  It was nice to have a little treat because we needed every calorie for the workout we found ourselves doing later in the day.  Marisa slaughtered us, brought us back to life and slaughtered us again with a warm up of squats and burpees, followed by some guerilla cardio on the elliptical,  intervals at the rowing machine and with weights, and then a cool down with more squats and burpees.   Shew!  We definitely burned those snacks off.  What a great workout!

Early on in my negotiation career with my cousin Holly

Cat and Mouse

There are two options when leaving my gym on the way to my desk: the elevator or the stairs. The way I feel about these options is that I work hard at my workouts, so I deserve an elevator ride. I'm sure my crippling fear of stairs has nothing to do with this decision at all, no sir. My trainers, however, disagree. Jeff in particular likes to hop out at me when I'm least expecting it and make me take the stairs.

Last week after training, Laks and I were waiting for the elevator. I figured we were in the clear because Jeff had moved on to his next client while we were changing. Oh contraire! Through the closed door I heard Jeff say, "Hey, watch this!"

"Laks! Get the elevator!" I yelled while pushing against the door with all my might to keep Jeff in.

Just as my hold was slipping, the elevator arrived. "Go go!" I yelled to Laks, releasing my hold on the door and hurdling over to the elevator. Alas, I made it on only to have Jeff right on my heels, telling me to take the stairs.

Yesterday I gave in without too much of a fight. Today, after the usual slaughtering, I managed to elude him and take the ride up. It's totally a game of cat and mouse. Only the mouse (me) decided to gloat to the cat (Jeff) about her victory because she couldn't help herself. I'm sure I'll pay for it later.

Down With The Elliptical!

Today I faced off with my old nemesis - the elliptical. I had rushed down to the gym after a day filled with meetings, and I had that torn feeling of the work waiting in my "in" box, versus the knowledge that I have to exercise every day. Top this with the fact that over the weekend I strained my hamstring, and you have a veritable recipe for slacking off. Spin the wheel of fortune of daily life and pick an excuse! But...I've found that if you shut off your inner voice, pick up your bag, and let your feet take you to the gym, everything falls into place. Marisa, in that casual we'll-just-hang-out-way she has, had me on the elliptical before I even knew what I was doing. Her absolute faith in me and some great girl chat equaled my new milestone: four times longer on the elliptical than I ever have gone before! Bad hamstring and all!

The Adventures Of A Stomach

The stomach is a funny thing, at least mine is. It's constantly keeping me on my toes. One thing I quickly discovered on this journey is that on the rare occasion that I allow myself a "treat", there are dire consequences. Sesame chicken - my favorite thing ever - made me feel hung over before I even put my fork down. A Chik Fil A sandwich brought on nausea, swollen fingers, and the feeling that I was being drug down into a coma. Chips at the Mexican restaurant? I was sick before our entrees were served. Guess all the clean eating keeps me honest - an added bonus!

Today on a girls day with my Mom and sister, we stopped our shopping adventures for lunch at a Hibachi bistro. I thought chicken and veggie stir fry would be safe. Wrong again! There must have been some extra grease in there somewhere because we had barely paid the bill when my tummy decided to make its protest known. I sucked it up and powered through. I am a shopping soldier and no store shall be left behind! And Hibachi chicken has now been put on the ever growing do-not-eat list.

Transition

That first day I worked out, the first day this journey began, it was obvious how badly out of shape I was. I could barely do anything. I was so ashamed. I kept telling Jeff I was sorry, over and over. I remember having to sit and take breaks frequently, again apologizing for my weakness. During one of those breaks, as I tried desperately to catch my shallow breathe, I told him, "This isn't me. This isn't who I am." At the time I felt like an intruder at the gym, like I didn't belong there among people who were physically fit. I was so embarrassed and just knew everyone was looking at me. The gym and everything in it was foreign and scary. It's crazy to think about that time in comparison to now. Now the gym is my happy place, my safe zone, somewhere I think of as mine. That day I could barely walk a lap around the gym, but today I was sprinting laps while holding a 15 pound medicine ball. Back then Jeff had to hold my hand as I tried to go up one step, petrified with fear. Now I am doing arabesques on the step in step class. It is staggering and humbling.

She-Wolf

When I was a little kid I was into wolves the way some little girls like unicorns or dolphins. I would request bedtime stories about them from my Momma, and my Dad's favorite way to distract me on road trips was to claim he saw a wolf coming out of the woods as we passed by. I went on to attend NC State - home of the Wolfpack - and am totally Team Jacob when it comes to Twilight preferences. Today I was struggling through the beginning of step class - will this head cold ever release me - when the song changed to Shakira's "She Wolf". The way a good song always does, it pumped me up and energized me. Now I totally feel back to my self and am convinced that hard core cardio cures what ails you! I'll leave you with some Shakira lyrics, "There's a she-wolf in your closet, let it out so it can breathe." Awooooooo!

Dagger Eyes

"I'm sorry I gave you the dagger eyes" said Laks to Jeff after today's training session. I laughed because it's so true how you can think your trainer is the best thing since sliced bread, but when they start going to work on you, you think, "why oh why are you doing this to me?" Or "Has she lost her dang mind?" Or maybe even, "Please God deliver me from Jeff!" Today's workout was extra tough on me since I've been sick. It's frustrating feeling like you've regressed in just a week's time, but you move through it...you know that your trainers are rooting for you...you draw energy and encouragement from your amazing friends who are sweating by your side...and suddenly you're back in the game.

Another Test

A bad sinus thing/head cold/crud/allergy annihilation had me down and out of the gym for six days - the longest stretch since I started my wellness journey. And today I had to dig deep for motivation to get back at it. It felt like someone had taken a drill to my sinuses, my throat burned, I had a blister on the side of my little toe (the side that rubs against the shoe) and a heel spur was making my right heel feel like I was walking on nails. Walking into the locker room I felt discouraged and frustrated. And then I thought about the trials and tribulations of my first month of working out and the hurdles fate/the enemy/my own defeatism threw at me and how I endured them all to come out successful in the end. Why did I think that I would only be tested once? Finding the fastest, most bass thumping song from my Ipod, I sucked it up and got back to business. And I'm proud to say that I rowed as far on the rowing machine as I did when I was in college in the best shape of my life! Back in the game!

She grew up, I grew down

I was looking at some family pictures today from around this time last year.  The first pic is of me and one of my favorite girls in the world, Miss Maggie, and one of my other favorite girls, my cousin Holly, at a pig pickin'.  The second is of Maggie and I at the Benton Reunion last weekend. Looking at the pictures today I have to say that Maggie has grown up so much, and I have grown down!  Looking forward to another fun family chicken pickin' tonight.  I still can't smell or taste anything, but that will keep me "honest" around all that good Southern food!

Last year

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