Transition

That first day I worked out, the first day this journey began, it was obvious how badly out of shape I was. I could barely do anything. I was so ashamed. I kept telling Jeff I was sorry, over and over. I remember having to sit and take breaks frequently, again apologizing for my weakness. During one of those breaks, as I tried desperately to catch my shallow breathe, I told him, "This isn't me. This isn't who I am." At the time I felt like an intruder at the gym, like I didn't belong there among people who were physically fit. I was so embarrassed and just knew everyone was looking at me. The gym and everything in it was foreign and scary. It's crazy to think about that time in comparison to now. Now the gym is my happy place, my safe zone, somewhere I think of as mine. That day I could barely walk a lap around the gym, but today I was sprinting laps while holding a 15 pound medicine ball. Back then Jeff had to hold my hand as I tried to go up one step, petrified with fear. Now I am doing arabesques on the step in step class. It is staggering and humbling.