I Won't Back Down

I think some of my friends are feeling a little down and frustrated with the scale right now.   I understand it because I feel it too.   After you've given every drop of sweat you have in your body, denied yourself daily, felt the gnaw of hunger in your belly, stretched your brain to think of what to eat for every meal, and pushed yourself past every limit in your heart, to have the scale not reflect this Herculean effort is devastating. You think, "Dang, I might as well have been on the couch eating Doritos."  This is the point when most people quit...my former self included many times over. 

To you and to myself I say, as long as you keep moving (whether you're losing, gaining, or on a plateau) you are still in the game.  After step class today, I was sitting on a mat in the gym stretching my aching legs out and thinking about the arabesques I just did in class and the strength in my legs.   I thought about how I started doing eight pound free weights, and now I can lift twenty pounds over my head easily. 

The World English dictionary says that strength is, among other things, "the ability to withstand or exert great force, stress, or pressure" and "the quality or state of being strong; bodily or muscular power; mental power, force or vigor; moral power, force, or vigor."  All of my friends have these qualities.   Working out is so much more than how many calories you burn or the pounds that you drop.  Those are only the top end of the pyramid we are building.

To anyone who is struggling or feels tired of fighting the fight (myself included at times) I say keep showing up and I offer you some lyrics from Tom Petty:


"Well I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of Hell
But I won't back down

No I'll stand my ground
Won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from dragging me down
Gonna stand my ground
And I won't back down

Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
Hey yeah, I'll stand my ground
And I won't back down"

Like a T-Rex

Today was just as crazy work wise as yesterday, but I managed to make my two o'clock workout appointment with Marisa and my girls.  Last week when we were discussing how we could switch things up and get off of our collective plateaus, Marisa suggested that we would have more time to workout if we didn't chat as much. She had observed that Jeff worked the guys out so hard that they couldn't physically talk to each other.  Like I said, I could see her wheels turning.  I made a pledge to chat less, but turns out I wouldn't need to...

We started out doing stations of different arm exercises.  The first rotation we did 25 reps at each station (75 reps in all), the next go round was 20 reps (60 in all), and then 15 the next (45 in all) for a grand total of 180 reps of pure arm ripping.  Ouch.  Next we were off to the treadmill to work the belt without power for ten sets of sprints.  As I got it going faster than I ever have before (I was at a jog for crying out loud!) the sweat started to pour out of me and over the speakers came the song "I'm Riding Solo."   By the time we reached the halfway point on the treadmill, I'd changed the lyrics in the song to, "I'm gonna throw up, I'm gonna throw up, I'm gonna throw up, throw up."

We weren't finished yet.  It was back to some more arm rotations and another 180 reps.  Whew!  By the time we were done, I was dripping sweat and feeling shredded all over.   My arms, which are usually my best muscle group, wanted to draw up into my chest.  I felt like a T-Rex.   But, because I'm sick like that, I was happy.  Good job Marisa!

Like a T-Rex

A Monday, a Storm, and Some Chips

I did not want to work out on Monday...coming off of a "play hard" weekend, I had low motivation. 2 o'clock came around and none of the girls were able to make it to the gym.  Marisa was on vacation.  Slacking off became more and more tempting.  But, I got it in gear, pushed away from my desk, and headed down to the gym.

Thank goodness for Ipods because my music got me through my time on the elliptical.  That and the view out of the Cape Fear river out of the gym windows.  I watched a storm come up across the river from Brunswick County and pumped my legs up and down to the beat of Eminem, and at the end of it, I was sweaty and glad that I made time to work out.  There was a time when I couldn't last five minutes on the elliptical and it is marveling to me what I am capable now.

After work, Millie and I finally got to introduce our husbands to each other over dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant.   Another new development: I'm able to control myself around chips and salsa. I only had two chips, whereas back in my unhealthy days, I would have had no problem eating two baskets.  It's hard every day, but there are also great blessings around the way...like a great dinner with wonderful friends and the knowledge that I am in control.

Eric, keep the chips on your side of the table. :)

I Dream of Sand

What an awesome day to be at Topsail Island!   We celebrated my husband's birthday with a family cook-out at our place at the beach. I made a big oriental-themed salad as a low calorie side to go with the traditional cook-out fare.   I used fresh romaine lettuce, mandarin oranges, cukes, red bell pepper, and wonton strips that had 35 calories per two tablespoons. Add in some light sesame ginger dressing, and it was a hit!

After avoiding the most delicious cake on the earth, Momma's chocolate cheesecake, it was time to hit the beach with the family.  Our house is on the sound, but we also have property directly across the street on the beach, which is where we have a  walk-over deck.  The driveway is long and I am ashamed to admit that I have spent the past few summers holed up in the beach house because walking over to the beach was difficult for me. I remember taking a lot of naps while everyone else headed to the beach.  Those were probably some of the most sad moments of my life, because I love the beach and felt just awful watching life go on around me.  On the rare occasions that I huffed and puffed my way up the driveway, I would sit at the table under the umbrella and never venture out onto the sand, because that entailed walking down the stairs and into the sinking sand.   I remember sitting up there last summer, having a heart to heart with my Momma where I told her how much I wanted to lose weight, but how impossible it seemed.  I had no hope at all.  Little did I know that in a few months, I was about to set out on this journey that is leading me to all of my dreams.

Today, walking back and forth to the beach was no problem at all, and then came one of the best rewards so far on this journey: getting my toes back in the sand and into the water. Last summer I dreamed of being "normal".  Today I was. Last summer I told my Momma I didn't think I could ever do what I'm doing now.  Today when she came out to the walk-over, I waved to her from down on the beach and saw the pride in her smile.  When I first started working out with Jeff in September, coming off one of the most inactive summers of my life, I told him my dream was to run down the beach.   Today I walked the beach.  I'm that much closer to my dream!

On the walkover with the hubby.  

On the sands of Topsail Island with my brother and sister.

Girls Day Out

I had a fun girl's day with my friend Tera today.  We had a delicious yet healthy lunch and an afternoon of strolling around window shopping. Nothing like some retail cardio!  We didn't buy anything, five hundred for a dress....oh no, but it was fun to look anyway.

Tera inspires me because she's lost a bunch of weight and looks GREAT!   When you're fighting this fight, it's nice to have people around you who you can go to lunch with and not feel like the only one eating a salad.  We were took a break to have some frozen yogurt and fruit and do a little people watching while chatting about the weight loss journey we'd both been on.

"Oh let me show you my old license!" said Tera, handing over her driver's license.  I looked down at the picture and was marveled at how far she'd come.

So of course I had to drag my license out too.  "That doesn't even LOOK like you!" she said, and it did my heart a world of good!

My advice, which I give shamelessly on this blog, is that if you're trying to lose weight, meet a goal, or accomplish anything, it's so important to surround yourself with people who are doing the same.   It's been amazing to me this time around in the weight loss game, what blessings come back when you open yourself up to people and let them know about your goals.  I said it in the beginning and will say it again now: if you want to make things happen - whether it is with weight loss or any worthy pursuit - put yourself out there, tell everyone you know, and you will be pleasantly surprised at the results.  

Recycling

Everyone agrees that recycling is a good thing.  It's good for the planet, it's the green thing to do.  Now what if you've been recycling the same three pounds for a month?   Today I was down three pounds.  I gain three, I lose three and around we go. 

After our awesome workout, we brainstormed some ways that we can all get off of our plateaus.   We haven't quite figured out our battle plan yet, but I can see Marisa's wheels turning. I'm sure she's going to have something up her sleeve for us tomorrow.  If anyone else is on the same plateau, hang in there and I'll hang in there too.

50 Mint and Fry the Meat

When you've been working out together as long as my group has, you get to know each other pretty well and develop all kinds of  inside jokes that no one else would get, but that crack you up every time. It's these relationships that keep you engaged and keep you going to the gym when in other times you would have given up by now.   I can't begin to tell you about the numerous times that these people have lifted me up when I needed it and I like to think I've done the same for them.   I've blogged about the tough times, so here are some of the other things:

• Millie is the Goldilocks of the gym because she can't ever find an exercise ball that is just right.  One is too small, one is too big, one is too flat, and her quest continues.   This week she's having the same problems with gym bags: this one is too squeaky, this one is too big, etc.   It cracks me up.
• Sylvia is very reserved in nature, but if you watch her closely, she'll break out into a cute little shuffle or one of her high school step routines from time to time.
• When Jeff was explaining the slow carb diet and the fact that you could eat your fill of meat, Roy asked if you could fry the meat.  That became our new term for a workout, because believe me, the meat (aka any muscle group) gets fried. 
• The last name Minter has lent itself to my many nicknames: Mint, Minty Fresh, Mint Condition, 50 Mint (after I lost the first 50 pounds)...hopefully one day they can call me Thin Mint. 
• Frank also has a nickname: Frank the Tank Soon To Be Frank the Mini Coupe.
• At any given time one of us owes the other one a pair of socks from a previous borrowing. 
• Millie and I call each other Marisa's dobermans because we're "on point."

• It takes nothing to crack Lakshmi up and I love her beautiful smile.

There are many other things that make up our collective relationships, but what it amounts to is a one of the coolest experiences of my life.  

Fried Kool Aid and The Loser

I have heard it all now!  This morning the DJs on the radio station I was listening to were reporting about the latest thing in fair food: deep fried Kool Aid.  It's not enough that we can now have our candy bars deep fried alongside our meats and vegetables, but a favorite childhood drink is now mixed into a batter and bubbled in grease until it comes out like a fruity donut hole.  Craziness!

The other surprising thing I heard today was that one of my cousins had run into a Biggest Loser at home winner at her local swimming pool.  Turns out they're practically neighbors! My cousin doesn't watch the show so didn't know all the insider questions to ask. She did find out that on the ranch they work out around twelve hours a day!  That puts it into perspective!  I can't tell you how many weeks I've watched the show during this journey of mine and have been anxious because the contestants were dropping two to three times the weight that I did that week.  I knew logically that they were in the mode of full-time weight loss while I still had to maintain a job and family, etc.  I know in my head that I can't spend twelve hours a day working out and I don't have a chef to prepare all my meals.  There's not a camera on me 24/7 to discourage me from eating the wrong things when "no one is looking." But tell that to my heart some days.

No matter what, I stumble on along my journey and I don't stop.   I try my best to watch what I eat even though the thought of another salad or piece of grilled chicken sometimes makes me mad.  I squeeze exercise into my day no matter how busy I am or how bad my right foot throbs.   I tell myself every day not to let the scale defeat me even though the thought of weekly weigh in is the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up.  I know that eventually I will get off this plateau, but for now I just have to keep my head up and trust the process.   And stay away from fried Kool Aid.

Summer Fruit

For Father's Day my PaPa wanted a low country boil so the whole family gathered outside to feast on shrimp, corn, potatoes (I skipped those), and sausage.  We also had some lemon blueberry pie and cake (skipped those too) and good cold watermelon slices.   Lemon anything is my favorite so it was tough for me not to eat it, but I'm proud of myself for sticking with the watermelon.  Standing outside with my family, eating summer's best fruit and spitting out the seeds like we did when we were kids, it was evident that summer was here!  Well, that and the overbearing heat!   As the temp soared into the nineties, I realized something else: I can tolerate the heat a whole lot better now that I've lost weight.  And that's a good thing seeing as how it's not getting cold anytime soon!

Hard For Man or Beast

My parents' lab Loxie was told at her last vet visit that she needed to lose 15 pounds.  She only has three legs, so it's very important for her to keep her weight down, especially since she only has one front leg. That means no more scraps and a diet dog food that she is currently boycotting.

No one likes to go on a diet, whether they are man or beast.   Loxie is no exception.   Tonight at a family dinner, she picked her favorite target...my PaPa because he's notorious for slipping her scraps from his plate.  She started off by snuggling up to his leg and grinning at him shamelessly:

Don't I look cute?  Please give me a treat!

Momma had the hawk-eye on PaPa to make sure he didn't fall for Loxie's canine wiles.  When her goofy grin didn't work, she moved on to give him what he calls the "old soldier look":

Trying her best to look pitiful.

Losing weight is hard no matter if you have four legs or two, or in Loxie's case, three.  She didn't want to eat that diet dog food any more than I want to eat chicken and vegetables some days.  Whether it's a pizza or a table scrap that makes your mouth water, it can just plain put you in a bad mood to deny yourself.  

The Square Box in the Corner of the Gym

I have been losing and gaining the same three pounds for a month. It's very very frustrating.  Today before weigh in I could have put down a $100 and bet anyone that I would have lost 5 pounds.  That's how confident I felt about the work I've put in this week and the food choices I've made.   Nope. Up two pounds.   But I felt lighter, tighter, and emptier...so what was up with that? Marisa said what was likely going on was my body was holding on to the weight because of the anxiety and stress I've been experiencing this past week trying to wrap everything up with my old position at work so that I could start my new gig.

And I was okay.   I didn't get mad or emotional.  I stepped back outside of the situation and thought to myself, "what is a scale?"  It's a device that measures weight.   It's a square box that sits in the corner of my gym.  You step on it and it shows you a number.  Would I be as emotionally entangled with a magic 8 ball or a thermometer?  No I would not.  I was confident and felt great about myself 30 seconds before I stepped on that square box in the corner of my gym.   It showed me a number.  Was anything but my emotional outlook changed in those 30 seconds?  No.  

A scale is a device that weighs objects and people.  That is it and that is all.   What follows is a list of what a scale is not:

• A scale does not condemn or rejoice in me.  It does not see me as good when I lose or bad when I gain.
• A scale does not determine my happiness.   It has no vested interest in my mood.  
• A scale does not predict the future.   Just because I did not lose weight this week does not mean that I will never lose weight again.   It does not mean that I will gain weight and keep gaining until it's all back on.
• A scale cannot measure the persistence in my heart, the grit in my gut, or the iron in my spine.
• A scale cannot report on the many ways that my life is better for doing this.
• A scale cannot and will not determine my worth.

Too Fast!

I'm not gonna lie: I am a clutz for sure! Yesterday I was alternating a walk and a run on the treadmill next to Millie. My tunes were great - a J Lo/Tupac/Ozzy mix - and I could feel my feet strongly underneath me. When it came time for my run interval, I felt like I could go faster.  Confidently I pushed the speed up while flipping the track on my Ipod and chatting with Millie. The problem was that I hit the speed button too hard and suddenly the treadmill roared to life, the belt flying twice as fast as I have ever gone before.

Keeping up, but panicking, all I could manage to say was, "Too fast! Too fast! Too fast!" Luckily Jeff was right there and rescued me.  Later I almost flipped off of the exercise ball while doing crunches.  In both cases my stronger muscles helped save me from hurting myself like I would have nine months ago.  Fitness brings with it agility, balance, and strength. It's a total package that is so beneficial that even when the numbers on the scale take their time going down, still makes it totally worth it!

The Day of 220 Squats

Yay, we were back with our trainers today!   Do you wonder what happens when trainers have a whole week to reflect on what torture they are going to put you through?   It's not pretty.  Let's just put it this way: we did 220 squats and that was only part of the workout!

I know we missed Jeff and Marisa and I'm sure they missed working us out.  There was a festive air in the gym today, even though the boys kept coming over to heckle us in attempts to throw us off our game.   Make no mistake fellas, Team Reesy is going to win this competition!   Hate all you want!  :)   

I talk a good game, but I might not be able to sit down tomorrow after all of those squats.

Another good development: I switched departments at work and went up four floors. Now my desk (which on my old floor was right by the break room) is waaaayyyyy down the hall from the break room.  Cuts that easy-access snacking temptation!

Week Without Trainers: Day Five

Finally Friday arrived!  The end of a hard work week and the end of the week without trainers.   We decided to do something fun and ended up in the group exercise room with a Zumba DVD.   I've taken a lot of Zumba classes but this was my first time doing the DVD that you see advertised on TV.

I will recommend that if you are interested in Zumba, definitely take a class if there's one available to you. But, if you don't have access to a class or can't fit it in your schedule, the DVD is a good option.   It was a change from the class I take in that it was almost 100% Latin dancing. While my class is heavily Latin influenced, it's mainly hip hop which I think is why I liked it better.

We did have a good time though, learning our way through Salsa, Rumba, Cumbia, and other styles.   The only downside was that the music reminded me of the music you hear playing at Mexican restaurants.  Immediately I had a strong craving for chips and salsa that wouldn't go away.   At one point, even the Spanish lyrics sounded like "eat some chips and salllllllllllsa" although I know that's not what the singer was saying. 

It was fun and who knew Miss Florence was such a Zumba machine?  I laughed as much as I sweated and that's got to burn some calories!  Next week we are back to having our trainers which will be wonderful, but I am so proud of how we did on our own!  Jeff and Marisa's little birdies flew well when pushed out of the nest.

Week Without Trainers: Day Four

For our fourth day on our own, we chose to do a workout that you need no equipment for, one that Marisa designed for Lakshmi as she's on the road traveling the majority of her week.  It consisted of squats, push ups, crunches, burpees, bench step ups, more burpees, more push ups, bench dips and mountain climbers.  It proved to me that even if you don't have a trainer, a gym, or even any equipment, you can still get in a good workout.  You simply use your own body weight as resistance and you are good to go.

Even better, the whole team (guys included) had a great victory at our weigh in!  I think we proved to Jeff and Marisa that we've been listening to them all of this time and retaining skills that we can use beyond this wonderful year we've been given. 

The key to true transformation is to first open yourself up to it, then to root it firmly in your brain, and then to root it firmly in your heart.  The true transformation is all mental.  Once your routine becomes your lifestyle, the physical results will come and you will find yourself transformed.

Week Without Trainers: Day Three

The whole girl's team turned out today for step class.   It's not often that all of us are together as some of our team travels on business and everyone's schedules are crazy from time to time.  Although the class was packed and we couldn't set our stations up near each other, it was obvious to me the strong bond of our group. 

Whenever you have a group of people who set out to do something, it seems like you always have one or two who are wishy-washy, or who disagree with the direction the majority decides to take, or whose commitment isn't as strong as the others. That's not the case with us girls.   We're strong.  We have the same mindset.  We have the same goals.   We have the same desire.   We don't bicker about what exercises to do; someone makes a suggestion and we all nod our heads and get down to business.  We are unified.

I personally find this phenomenal and unlike any group I've ever been a part of whether it was in business, church, or philanthropy.  I am blessed not only by my trainers, but by Millie, Sylvia, Mary, Lakshmi, Cadelia and Florence. 

Step class - check.  Sweaty shirt - check.  Day  Three Without Trainers complete - check.

Week Without Trainers: Day Two

I am so proud of us!  We put ourselves through a tough strength training workout today.  Millie - who should seriously consider a career in personal training - took the lead and made sure we got our muscles moving!  If anyone needs motivation to work out, find a friend who has the same burning desire that you do...it has made all the difference for me!

Week Without Trainers: Day One

When we first heard that we wouldn't have trainers this week we were scared to be quite honest.  I know most people don't have the wonderful benefit of a personal trainer and manage on their own, but you quickly get used to leaning on their leadership. A funny thing happened when we got to the gym today though: we all had stories ofweekend exercise and also a new resolve to show Jeff and Marisa a return on their investment.  We had confidence in ourselves and more knowledge than any of us were expecting.  Millie played trainer-for-the-day and put us through a cardio workout that would make our trainers proud. I walked back into the locker room with wet clothes and something more surprising: the assuredness that I actually know what I'm doing.

The Towel

I've been swimming almost as long as I've been walking, although for the past few years what I called swimming amounted to pretty much standing around in the water.  I approach it in a whole new light now. I approach it as a workout now...getting my muscles in sync to propel myself through the water.  Today I am proud to say I swam half a mile! That is 18 round trip laps down the lane of the pool! My goal is to build up to a mile.  In the locker room of the Y was a quote that said, "You have a choice: to throw in the towel or to wipe your sweat off with it." I know what my choice is!

Quotes to Sum Up the Week

This has been a crazy week and I haven't had time to blog that much, but I will share two quotes that sum up my week:

When my mom inquired as to why a friend's horse had to be put on a diet, saying "Grass can't have that many calories!" The horse owner then stated dryly, "When you eat it all day long it does!"

And the next from my team mate Lakshmi, "Jenn, no one can live in a gym!"

Next week our group is going completely trainer-free to see how much we've learned!  Should be interesting!