Getting There

Me before starting this program (wearing a sombrero)

Me, now, 9 weeks in:

It's getting there slowly but surely!

Collapse

My momma hates the fact that I listen to Eminem.  I'm not going to argue that he's not offensive at times but he brought me strange inspiration this week.   I was on the treadmill feeling like I was all done for not long into my work out when one of my favorite old Eminem songs came on via the best play list ever (thank you A. Bax), "Collapse": "Sometimes you just feel tired, feel weak And when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up But you gotta search within you, try to find that inner strength and just pull it out of you And get that motivation not to give up, and not be a quitter No matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face, and collapse."  That about sums up how I've felt working out this week.  So Momma, he's not all that bad.  : ) 

Blessings

Last night as I was doing the drudgery that is grocery shopping, I rounded an aisle and there was my friend Cadelia from work.   It was a pleasant surprise to find out she lived out in the country like me.  She and I are doing the same Transformation program and it was nice to walk around the store with her and trade tips on food and "war stories" from the gym.  Our trainers would have been proud to see our grocery carts full of fruits and veggies and that we were "behaving" even when out of their sight.   What's amazing to me and what reinforces itself every day is the principle of when you put good things out in the world, how many blessings come back to you.   I drug around for years feeling horrible and weighed down.   Now, even just this much into my journey I feel unburdened from that - and that's priceless.  Every morning lately when I get ready to head out the door to work, even carrying my gym bag, purse and lunch, I feel like I'm forgetting something.   I literally feel too light, like I've forgotten something, that I'm not carrying enough weight.  Then I finally realized this morning what it was: it's not that I've forgotten my phone or my keys or my tennis shoes, I'm literally not carrying as much weight as I used to on my actual self! What a blessing that is.

That's Dumb Doggie

The hardest thing for me about all of this is the roller coaster. The way I expect things to go is that if I improve something, then it will keep improving, that if my stamina is at a certain level one day, then the next day it's going to be at that level or higher.    That's not the case with working out, at least not for me.   Some days are off days and that's frustrating for me because it causes me to panic to think about 8 weeks ago and the shape I was in when I started this journey.   Mentally I feel like I could run a marathon and it's frustrating when physically I'm not there yet.   

Today was one of those days.  Yesterday, I was burning up the treadmill in my new shoes that feel soooo good.  Today, I get three quarters of the way through my training and bend down to get some weights and the head rush turns into an overall dizziness that didn't go away right away.  Needless to say I had to stop.   Dehydration was the culprit and it was no one's fault but mine for thinking that I can drink three cups of coffee and a diet coke and then go work out without any water in my system.   Duh.  Or as my cousin Devon used to say to me when I used to get up on the weekends and not eat breakfast or lunch, then complain later on in the day that I felt like my blood sugar was low, "That's dumb, doggy." 

Tomorrow I'll be drinking my water before and after I work out.    Thank you Julie for working out with me today - you did great!  Thanks to Jeff and Marisa also who are smarter than I am!  :)

The Fear Factor

I've been in Toastmasters at work for over a year now and for several months I have been procrastinating doing my 10th and final speech in order to earn my first certification. The objective of the 10th speech is to inspire your audience.   I had no clue what to do it on....until recently.    So, I told our president to put me on the schedule and how quickly that date approached yesterday! I soooooo wasn't ready.    I'm not scared to speak in front of people and could have a good time talking to a brick wall, but this was different.  This was a very personal baring of my soul and the journey I'm on.  Yesterday morning I called my good friend Mark, who is also our club President, and told him I wasn't ready yet...but in that calm, motivational, way of his, he talked me into it.  My palms were sweaty, I was fire engine red and went too fast, but I did it.   8 minutes of soul baring.   It was awesome to have Jeff, Marisa and Mindy there to hear me speak, as well as my wonderful friend Julie and the rest of my Toastmaster buddies.   I am so blessed.  I wish there were words to describe how overwhelming it is.  There should be more powerful words than "thank you."   Later in the day Jeff kicked my butt up and down the stairs because he knows that's my fear (see Top Ten Things Never to Say to Your Trainer), but I'm starting to learn that when you conquer a fear whether it be stairs or speaking in public or being honest and saying, "I needed your help, and I'm forever grateful for it," that  accomplishment turns the fear into jubilation.    That being said, I hate snakes, small spaces, and the dark and I don't see myself holding an anaconda in a closet for personal development any time soon.

Keep Calm and Carry On

Yesterday I had an awesome workout and I was riding high on my success.  Today I woke up and was unusually grumpy  (this doesn't usually happen to me and I can't stand being in a bad mood) and the skies were gray with the rain that's been threatening to fall all day.   My knees and feet hurt and I started to panic thinking all sorts of crazy scenarios where I'd be out of commission and off of my purpose (aka: the exact opposite of everything I desire)...I quizzed my friend Brad (who's had knee surgery) relentlessly about the anatomy of the knee until I'd wound myself up almost to  the verge of a certified hissy fit.   Thank goodness I had badgered my friend Julie (who has been my loyal work out buddy on the days I don't work with my trainer) to go to the gym early this morning.  I knew she was counting on me and she knew I was counting on her....and it would have been very easy for either of us to cave and say, "let's not go" and the other would have said "Okay sounds good!".    I'm proud of both of us that we went and did what we could.   So I guess the lesson learned is that some days you're a rock star and some days you feel like a rock, or that you've been hit by a rock, or throwing some rocks (at someone or something.).   One of my favorite sayings comes from a British World War II poster that was created in the event that Germany won the war in order to boost the morale of the people, "Keep Calm and Carry On."  Good words to live by and good advice for me to give myself.    There will be highs and lows in any test of endurance.  Take a deep breathe, put one foot in front of the other, and:

The Training Wheels Come Off

The training wheels are officially off when it comes to my working out program, that is for sure.   I guess I'm past the beginner level and they're starting to kick it up. Sometimes its really scary,  but that's what you have to do to make progress.  I was also thinking that even though I'm only in my seventh week of my new lifestyle,  the old slack me who ate unhealthy and never moved feels like light years away.   I have so far to go, but it doesn't matter because the now feels so good. In the first month that I started working out I had bronchitis, two viruses, a wound under my arm that reopened every time I worked my arms out, and a pulled muscle in my side but I kept going because I knew that if I dared to stop, it would be over.   Now that I'm a little further along, I know that this is my new life now and I like it so there's less of that fear of the old me creeping in.  That being said, as one of my friends pointed out today about her own journey, you have to keep some of that fear alive to keep you on the straight and narrow.  5 more pounds down.   : )