The Fever Breaks

Often I see people who are in the same position I was in nine months ago, people who want to change so badly but have given up hope in the face of such a huge challenge.  I totally understand the fear and desperation that keeps them trapped in an unhealthy body because I did if for years.   I wish I had a magical ability to lay my hands on them and let them experience for just a moment how good I feel now.   Those few seconds would be all the motivation they would need.  I'm not superwoman and I have many challenges so believe me: if I can do this, anyone can.

I still have a long ways to go, but even now I have a brand new life!   Sitting in the pool with my cousin Devon this weekend, I told her that one of the best things that has come about is that the inner worry and fear that was living in my old body was gone. It was a thing that occupied my mind almost constantly, whispering to me, "I'm afraid to go (fill in the blank for any number of places) because I might have to park far away and walk and I'll never make it." Or, "I can't sit there because I won't fit." Or, "I can't go there because I might have to stand for a long time." Or, "I can't get out there in my bathing suit in front of every body." 

This weekend was the first time I realized that voice that used to paralyze me and limit my life was gone and the effect was almost like a fever breaking.  You can't imagine how much more at ease I am now, how much more easy going!   It was like getting out of a bad relationship.

Over the long weekend I washed and waxed my car, two hours of physical activity on my feet that I would never have been able to do before. We also went to an outdoor wedding that almost got rained out.  As the storm clouds gathered and the preacher tried to hurry the ceremony along, I was confident in the knowledge that should the skies open up, I could kick off my shoes and run for shelter.    At the after-party after the reception, I played cornhole for an hour and then danced with my husband.   The next day I spent the day at the water park and in the lake, then ran home, got cleaned up and spent two hours walking around Super Wal-mart.   The next day we went out to the race track to see my cousin Charlie race, and walking up and down from where we were set up to the starting line, carrying chairs and coolers, was something I couldn't and wouldn't have done last year - especially in the heat.   I can't lay my hands on people and magically show them how better I feel, but trust me when I say that there's a whole new world waiting out there, and it's awesome!

Go Charlie!

Me and my crazy husband, waiting for the track to cool down and the race to start.

Me and one of my number #1 supporters, Devon

Waging the War

Fighting the fight was tough for me this week.  I 100 calorie-ed myself to death and it resulted in no weight loss after my 8 pound victory last week.  The lesson I learned was that I have a tendency to ease up on my grip once I've had a big loss and not watch things as closely as I did the previous week.  It was tough to stand on the scale and realize that despite all my hard work in the gym, those little "healthy" snacks here and there (and far too often) had caught up with me.  

It turned me into what I despise most: a cry baby.  Right there in front of my gym family, the tidal wave of my guilt and disappointment broke over me and I lost it.  I was so embarrassed but my team surrounded me with love and support that was overwhelming.  I've said it before and will no doubt say it again but the difference for me this time is 100% due to these people: Jeff, Marisa, and my team mates.   I have sweated with them, built muscles with them, shared victories and defeats with them, cried with them, laughed with them, and fought along side them.    I now understand how soldiers become so bonded with each other.  We're not fighting a war with weapons on foreign soil, but rather the war within ourselves and against that part of ourselves that can be equally as dangerous and as deadly as a gun.   To have someone beside you who knows what you are going through and who has been with you through the emotional and physical battles of the weight loss war is powerfully bonding.  As Millie said, we all came into this program expecting to lose weight and get healthy, but what we didn't expect was the amazing friendships that have grown between all of us and our trainers.

Thursday I got emotional but still made it through our workout. Friday I came back fighting...literally in Marisa's kick boxing class.  It felt so good!   I'm good at punches and kicks and it felt awesome to channel my frustrations into some intense cardio set to aggressive Pink songs.  

On this Memorial Day weekend I want to say thank you to all of our troops past and present who have fought the good fight to keep us safe and our freedom intact.   I also want to thank my trainers, my team  mates, and everyone who has supported me fighting the good fight towards health and life.   To anyone out there who is waging the same war as I am and sometimes having those days where you feel like you just can't go on, keep your head up and know that you can endure.  Those bad days will come but in the words of Pink, "So what. I'm still a rock star."

When The Road Gets Rough

Watching The Biggest Loser finale this week I found it interesting to hear Ally congratulate each contestant on their "journey" because that's what I've called my own struggle since that first day in September.    If you have more than just 10 pounds to lose, the struggle is a journey.  The road has it's twists and turns. Sometimes there's a sunny day where you have the top down, wind in your hair, cruising at top speed with your favorite song on the stereo and nothing but smooth, flat pavement ahead of you.   Then some days, the road is jagged, curvy, and you feel like you're headed straight up a mountain in a rain storm, with nothing in your gas tank and two flat tires. 

Last week the journey was like a fun college road trip.  This week has been more of the treacherous commute variety.   My right foot hurt so bad during my workouts and for some reason I just didn't have much energy.  My competitive spirit was on the bench and sent the next player, Survival Mode Jenn, into the game in its place.

Tuesday Marisa set up one circuit that included 50 bench step ups.   When it was my turn, I stood behind the bench, put the supporting leg up, took a deep breathe and....stepped back in defeat.  I stared at the bench.  I started to step up and then stepped back again.   I was afraid and irrational.   Then I walked away and went into the group exercise room by myself in frustration, defeat and embarrassment.  

After some coaching from Marisa, I came out and found Millie on one side of the bench and Sylvia on the other.  "I know you can do this." Marisa said.   I looked at Millie and then at Sylvia.  They had total faith in me, more than I had in myself.   I took a deep breathe, backed up a couple of steps for momentum and lifted myself up onto that bench.   Then I did it again. Then I did it 48 more times, encouraged on the whole way by Millie, Sylvia and Marisa.  That's the difference.  When the road gets rough, when you're out of gas, when your tires are busted and you're stranded...having your support team is better than triple A any day!

The President's Challenge

Remember the President's Physical Fitness Test from elementary school back-in-the-day?   As part of National Employee Health and Fitness day, Team Reesy did the President's Challenge during our Monday group workout.   I remember how I felt about the test back in elementary school.  Boy, I would dread that day.  Today I was excited to give it a shot and see if I could do it! Totally different attitude some twenty-some years later.

It was tough! Crunches, push ups, pull ups and of course: the mile.   That was hardest for me because it took me the longest.  It's hard to see those folks that you started out working out with, but who have less weight to lose than you do, achieving their fitness goals before you do. If we had been actually doing the mile outside instead of indoors on treadmills, my team mates would have literally left me behind, the way my faster classmates did back in school during the President's test.   Even more challenging is the fact that the treadmill hurts my heel so bad that it feels like a nail driving into it with every step.   But I didn't want to give up.   I wanted to finish this challenge.   The last three tenths I decided to run and the only thing I could do to keep me going was saying audibly to myself, "Push, push, push."  I probably sounded like a labor and delivery coach.   I wanted to cry.  Something about working out makes me emotional.    It's hard when you want to be the best and you just physically can't do it yet.

But I completed the challenge!  And from what I can remember, I did better than what I did in elementary school.   I have to remind myself that you don't always have to win....it's staying in the race that counts.

Jenn & Millie Vs. The Crouton Bag

Millie and I were fixing salads for lunch: lettuce, carrots, a smidge of cheese, olives, turkey pepperoni, low fat Italian dressing...and then I pulled out the crouton bag.  Ta da!  Carbs: the forbidden fruit.  

"Look, I just have to have some croutons," I said to Millie. "And there are only 30 calories per serving. I'm eating them!"

"Shoot, girl me too!"  Millie said. 

We both laughed like we were kids getting away with something bad.  Finally!  She struggled to get the bag open while I kept a lookout to see if Marisa was coming around the corner.    She couldn't get it open.   Dang!   I gave it my best shot - to no avail.

"Millie, we're strong!  Seriously...what's wrong with this bag?" I exclaimed. 

We struggled for 5 more minutes before giving up and hunting down scissors.  Those croutons tasted so good...hey, go for a week without carbs and see what levels you're willing to sink to! And I only half-way believe that Marisa cast some sort of carb-blocking spell on us.

Challenge: Pig Pickin'

It was another beautiful weekend!   Mixed into our jammed pack weekend was a fine old Southern tradition: a pig pickin'.    As always, most of our traditions are centered around food, and the pig pickin' is no exception.  It was a challenge, but I've learned how to deal with those now.  I steered away from the mac and cheese and potato casseroles, and towards good ol' home cooked vegetables like butter beans and field peas.    I did have some barbeque, but kept it in moderation.   I avoided the dessert table all together and had some watermelon instead.  And you know what?  My world didn't end.   I focused more on the friends, family, and music going on and less on the food.  We even helped take down tables and chairs afterward, so I got a little cardio and strength training in!

The line was long, but it was worth it!

Me and the hubby

The Warriors

So, the boys decided to respond to our Team Reesy shirts.  We expected nothing less!  Shortly after our t-shirt debut, the guys got organized and decided to call themselves the Warriors.  They even compared themselves to William Wallace in Braveheart.  I told Milly that day, "If they come running out of the locker room one day with blue faces, hollering 'FREEDOM', I'm gonna fall off of whatever machine I'm on."

Below is what happened at yesterday's workout:

Team Reesy, innocently getting a warm up in: Sylvia, Mary, Cadelia and me.

Until this happened: Jeff M, George, Dana, Frank, Jeff and Roy

Jeff is responsible for Roy's "guns".  Mine too!

 

 

Dana and Frank

 

 

 

 

 

Marisa with Double Trouble: Frank and Roy

The Whole Team minus Lakshmi: Sylvia, Jenn, Dana, Milly, George, Frank, Jeff M, Mary, Roy and Cadelia

Then it was time to get to work:

And, at the end of Week One of the Battle of the Sexes, Team Reesy emerged victorious with a cumulative 18 pound loss over the Warriors 6 pound loss.  We GO girls!