Total Immersion

I'm one of those people that if I'm into something, I'm into it all the way or not at all.  Sometimes that's a good thing (i.e., working out) and sometimes that's a bad thing (i.e., Doritos and the couch).  When I started this journey, I jumped into it with both feet.  I put my story out there on the web, I told everyone I knew and some I didn't (i.e., people in line at Subway) my goals, and I attended triathalons and marathons either as a volunteer at a water station or cheering from the sidelines.  Just putting myself in situations where I was around athletic people put me in the mindset of the road ahead of me if I stuck to my guns.  The other thing I did was do my research: I scoured exercise magazines, checked out several gyms and different classes, quizzed my trainers, and cruised the internet to find out everything from what to eat, how to move, or what was going on with my stomach after a workout.   What all of that added up to was a state of total immersion that kept me engaged and always wanting more, whether that was trying something new in the gym or gaining more victories on the scale.

100 pounds and many months later, I'm still pleasantly surprised every day from the blessings that arise every day.   Today that surprise was the ten of my friends who wanted to do the workout I'd cooked up for my two regular workout buddies and myself.  There were so many of us that we had to book the group exercise room in our gym so that we'd have enough space. Then they made me get up in the front of the room to lead them. Now I am a back-row-in-class kinda girl (where else can I trip all over my feet and go the wrong direction undetected) so I was nervous about: one,  being front and center and two, making sure I gave them a good workout.  Soon though everyone was sweating and laughing and my nerves eased off. 

This journey is hard and it takes a lot of mental and physical energy to get where you want to go, but if you give yourself over to it, get into it, and work on getting over the things that make you uncomfortable, you will find some amazing things along the way...take it from me, a former Dorito-munching-couch-potato: anything is possible. Immerse yourself and see what happens.

100!

Today was an important milestone for me and the fulfillment of a goal that I've been working towards for a long time: losing 100 pounds.   I have been hovering over that number for months and although I didn't give up moving towards it, sometimes it just plain seemed like it wasn't going to happen.  I had a good feeling though when I stepped on the scale this afternoon that today was going to be the day. Two hours earlier,  when I was registering at 99 pounds, I looked down the digital readout, thought about all those lunches of veggies and brown rice and afternoons in the gym where I could wring out my shirt, and said, "REALLY?!!"   Luckily around that time my trainer Jeff was walking by and promised to write me up a workout that would burn that pound off.  Along with five other awesome girlfriends who have been with me literally through thick and thin, I sweated my way through Jeff's psycho 1,000 rep workout and although my legs and arms literally could take no more, as I stepped onto the scale it was worth it.

I am so excited to clear this first hurdle and move on to the next one but I can't leave this post without giving thanks for the many ways that I have been blessed:

• First and foremost: with God anything is possible.  I can't explain the reason why the motivation stuck this time out of the many times I've attempted this other than that God's hand was at work.  There is no other way that I could have gone from the state I was in to where I am now.   Many times during this journey I have felt His hand at work, lifting me up and keeping me going.  He is as much present in the gym as anywhere else, and believe me, there have  been many times I have called on Him in the middle of a workout!
• My husband has been my cheerleader and wonderful support along the way. He has eaten all my low cal cooking without complaint, cheered me on at my 5K, waited for 2 hours outside a zumba class I was attending, made sure I got up early on Saturdays for workouts, and cheerfully provided "opportunities" for me to burn calories helping him with yard work. 
• My awesome family and friends have had my back since the beginning.  No matter how many times they've seen me start and stop this process, they have always believed in me and the fact that this time it was going to work.  They have cheered every little milestone along the way. 
•  My trainers Jeff and Marisa believed in me before I could believe in myself and have given so much of their time and support in a way I could never repay.  I hope that I can encourage others the way they encouraged me.  
• My friends and coworkers and friends/coworkers have lifted me up, cheered me on, worked out by my side and shown me such overwhelming support that it blows my mind.   Having that daily reassurance helps more than they can ever imagine.   I cannot imagine a better working environment in which to get healthy and make this change.
• And to everyone who reads this blog: thank you.   I started it as a way to keep myself on the straight and narrow and to stay engaged.  I appreciate every time you've taken a minute to read it and hope that in some way it has helped you.  If you ever need encouragement, send me an email and I'll be glad to be there for you. Take it from me: you can start anytime on the path to success.

The journey to a triple digit loss has been at times frustrating and at overwhelming with joy to the point that it takes my breathe away.  I can't wait to travel farther...now on to the next fifty pounds!

Seagull Obstacle Course

I am scared of birds, in particular seagulls.  I admit that. I'm not ashamed of it...but in my defense I've been tormented by these brazen, honking, sharp-beaked monsters in the past and am not interested at all in repeating the experience. Being that I live on the coast, one can find oneself in a close encounter with these nasty birds, not only by the water but in any random parking lot that contains a McDonalds.  They seem to have a particular affinity for McDonald's fries, although I can't blame them there.

Monday, when faced with a grueling 45 minutes on the elliptical with the same old Itunes and the same old magazines we've read a hundred times, I looked over at Millie and said, "You want to take a walk?"  She couldn't hop off of that machine fast enough and soon we were booking it out of the gym and down the river walk.

I was distracted by the sunshine, warm climes, and girl talk and almost walked headfirst into a flock of those feathered terrors, currently gathered around a group of fishermen who were taunting them with a pack of Saltines.  The men would alternately flip a cracker in the air towards the birds or tease them by shaking the cracker sleeve at them, stirring the flock into a swooping, honking frenzy.

And there I went, yacking along to Millie about this thing or that, swinging my arms, and keeping a good pace, almost directly walking into this dangerous scene.   Suddenly finding myself surrounded in a flurry of white, winged monsters I screamed and jumped back.  Millie (brave because she's from the Bronx and has seen much worse on the street) looked at me calmly and said, "They're not worried about you!  They have crackers!" (You have to imagine all of this with exaggerated New York hand gesturing) Then she guided me (cowering on the perimeter of the boardwalk) around the whole scene and we continued our walk.

Thinking back on the encounter, some things I observed:

• When I did the strict carb diet, I would have been whipped as easily into a frenzy over an offer of crackers, so I can't blame the birds all that much.
• I've developed some great back-pedaling skills.  Maybe from all of the squats?
• Now I've got the ability to run away, be it from a seagull on a carb-seeking mission or an attacker.  I probably couldn't out run a rabid dog yet, but give me time.
• New workout/fear facing exercise: dodge the ferocious seagull obstacle course.
• It's a dangerous world outside of the gym, keep your wits about you!

Blessings In The Bleak

After our workouts today, my friend Rick and I were walking back from the gym upstairs to our desks.  He's part of the second Transformation group, the program that basically saved my life.  When Rick was chosen for the program, I was overjoyed because he's been such a supporter of mine.  Today I was congratulating him on how great the new group was doing and pointing out the fact that they were already doing exercises that we didn't start doing until a few months in. 

"Yeah, but you guys were the trailblazers," he said.  "You were the reason we wanted to do this." Instantly I was humbled.

I thought back to the many times during the initial phase of this journey that Rick had encouraged me and how many times he told me of his desire to do the same. Now to see how hard he's working in the gym and the newly found pep in his step is an amazing thing.

I also thought about the beginning of my own transformation and reveled in how amazing God is!  How He can take the very thing that you feel is the worst quality you have and turn it into something that can not only benefit yourself, but also be a benefit to other people. He took me from being a person that was finding it increasingly hard to breathe and move at the same time, to being a person who can do a two hour Zumba class; a person whose husband went from being terrified at how I would stop breathing in my sleep on a regular basis to a person whose husband ran with her across the finish line of a 5K in December; a person who had no athletic skill and was always picked last in gym class as a kid to an enthusiastic gym rat who finds daily new and amazing things that her body can do.

I feel awesomely blessed, thankful to God, and assured that no matter how bleak the situation may seem, how hard and long the journey stretches forward ahead of you, with faith and a lot of hard work, miracles are truly and entirely possible. 

"Can't Never Could"

My wonderful Mema has a phrase that she always uses when one of us says we can't do something, "Can't never could."  That simple and true little saying has helped me so many times when I've faced the numerous battles of this journey:

• The very first day on my way to the gym to meet my trainer for the first time, when I could barely walk without losing my breathe and my knee screamed in pain, I thought, "I can't."
• Hovering at the back edges of my first Zumba class, waiting for the music to start I thought, "I can't."
• The first time they ever handed me a jump rope and expected my feet to leave the ground for the first time in years I thought, "I can't."
• Standing behind a 367 pound tire that my trainer expected me to lift up and flip over, I thought "I can't."
• Whenever the scale was not my friend, my first instinct was to say, "I can't."
• As the late night cravings hit and the treats from the kitchen beckoned my resistance said, "I can't."
• When the free weights they handed me went from 8 pounds each to ten to twelve to fifteen and twenty, and they expected me to curl them over my head, my brain screamed, "I can't."
• As the starting fire sounded at the beginning of my first 5K and I saw all the runners strike out ahead of me, I definitely thought, "I can't."

Lucky for me I had Mema's advice that "can't never could" to listen to in the back of my head in each of these instances...that and the shear stubbornness that wasn't going to let anyone (including myself) tell me I couldn't do something, whether that was sticking to my training, resisting the bad food most of the time, flipping a big tire (flipped that sucker 18 times that day), finishing a 5K, or pressing onward when the road got tough.

"Can" and "can't" are powerful words that have the ability to either empower us or hold us back from everything we're capable of already.  Can't never could, but saying "I can," even when you don't believe it, is empowering.

Rowing In The Deep

I'm a Biggest Loser fan and pick up a lot of workout ideas every week from watching it. This week the contestants were sent home for a bit, but in BL fashion, had to compete in a surprise challenge shortly after their arrival.  This episode's challenge: race to 10,000 meters on the rowing machine.  "Hmm," I said to myself, "Wonder if I can do that?"

Now let me preface the following with this: rowing is a lot harder than it looks and it works parts of you that you didn't know you had.  In training we would compete against each other in 250 meter sprints  and the most I've ever rowed to my knowledge is 1,000 meters.  10,000 meters seemed an impossible challenge, but I wanted to give it a shot.  Lucky for me that my gym had two rowers and I had Millie who was willing to try that craziness with me.

And so we started. 

• For the first 1,000 meters I  just concentrated on finding the most effective stride, making sure my arms and legs were working in sync (no small feat for me) and that I was rowing with a sustainable pace.  
• The second 1,000 meters started to wear me down...10,000 seemed a lonnnnng way off.  I tried to distract myself by singing songs about rowing  to Millie.  "We could have had it allllllll, rowing in the deeeeeeeeep." and "They see me row-ing, they hating...wanna catch me rowing dirty..."
• In the third 1,000 meters we decided that we only realistically had time to go to 5,000 and even that seemed so far off.  My abs of all things started burning and my legs wanted to give out. I also managed to master the art of rowing one handed while flipping tracks on my Ipod.
• The fourth 1,000 meters attracted the attention of our trainer Jeff who came over to crank the damper (i.e. the lever that controls the weight of your "boat") from five to ten (the heaviest setting). As if our legs weren't about to fall off already...but that's what trainers are for...to push us.
• The last 1,000 meters were a blur of screaming muscles, pure stubbornness, and encouraging shouts from Jeff and Millie, who'd finished ahead of me but said she'd keep going till I finished.  I can't tell you how many times she's done this simple but wonderful act of unity for me.

When we were finished, I had to sit down for a few minutes because my legs simply wouldn't work.  Then I had to stand up and hold onto the wall beside me to keep from falling over...literally.  After that, I had to creep unsteadily around the gym for a few laps just to get my legs to unlock.  But you know what, I was proud of us. Even though we didn't do the 10,000 meters, we still challenged ourselves.  And hey - 5,000 meters is 3.1 miles. We basically did a 5K on the rower (and in faster time than I do a 5K on foot).   We also found our new Friday challenge.

The thing I've learned lately is the fastest way out of an exercise rut is to stop mindlessly banging away at the same ole same ole and find yourself a challenge. More info on indoor rowing can be found at: http://gubernatrix.co.uk/2008/03/indoor-rowing-training/.

Interesting Experiments In Accomplishment

"Jenn you're crazy."

I've heard this phrase numerous times in my life and don't deny that it's true.  Lately I've been hearing it in response to my workout plans for the day.  And God bless my workout partners for going along with my insanity.  Daily when we meet up in the locker room, they'll look at me and say, "What are we doing today?"  I usually have a mischievous look in my eyes as I pull from my gym bag the paper containing whatever madness I've either created or found, and lay it on them.  To their credit, usually their eyes get wide and they let out their breathe but always say (sometimes with more conviction than others) "Okay, we'll try it."

Today I was a little worried that I'd picked too large of a challenge with the "100 Workout" I found online.  Basically it broke down like this:

• 100 jumping jacks
• 90 crunches
• 80 squats
• 70 leg lifts
• 60 jumping jacks
• 50 crunches
• 40 jumping jacks
• 30 leg lifts
• 20 jumping jacks
• 10 minutes of cardio

If you do the math, that's 540 reps, not counting the cardio at the end.  Quite frankly, I was doubting my own sanity.   But when that change happens to you (the one where you go from an attitude of doing the bare minimum in a workout to get by to the attitude of willingly and actively pushing yourself to see just how far you can go) you find yourself doing stuff that you would at one point thought impossible...and doing it voluntarily at that.   It becomes an interesting experiment in accomplishment.

My legs were shaking and turning to Jello halfway into the first 80 squats but I found a focal point and kept going and I'm happy to say that we completed the entire 100 workout.  And then went on to doing 5 sets of sprints working the treadmill without power.  I don't think I've been that sweaty in my life.  Even my hair tie was saturated.  I may be walking like a cowboy tomorrow, but it was awesome.

"Jenn, you're crazy."

It's true...but I've found a good way to channel my insanity. ;)