Seagull Obstacle Course

I am scared of birds, in particular seagulls.  I admit that. I'm not ashamed of it...but in my defense I've been tormented by these brazen, honking, sharp-beaked monsters in the past and am not interested at all in repeating the experience. Being that I live on the coast, one can find oneself in a close encounter with these nasty birds, not only by the water but in any random parking lot that contains a McDonalds.  They seem to have a particular affinity for McDonald's fries, although I can't blame them there.

Monday, when faced with a grueling 45 minutes on the elliptical with the same old Itunes and the same old magazines we've read a hundred times, I looked over at Millie and said, "You want to take a walk?"  She couldn't hop off of that machine fast enough and soon we were booking it out of the gym and down the river walk.

I was distracted by the sunshine, warm climes, and girl talk and almost walked headfirst into a flock of those feathered terrors, currently gathered around a group of fishermen who were taunting them with a pack of Saltines.  The men would alternately flip a cracker in the air towards the birds or tease them by shaking the cracker sleeve at them, stirring the flock into a swooping, honking frenzy.

And there I went, yacking along to Millie about this thing or that, swinging my arms, and keeping a good pace, almost directly walking into this dangerous scene.   Suddenly finding myself surrounded in a flurry of white, winged monsters I screamed and jumped back.  Millie (brave because she's from the Bronx and has seen much worse on the street) looked at me calmly and said, "They're not worried about you!  They have crackers!" (You have to imagine all of this with exaggerated New York hand gesturing) Then she guided me (cowering on the perimeter of the boardwalk) around the whole scene and we continued our walk.

Thinking back on the encounter, some things I observed:

• When I did the strict carb diet, I would have been whipped as easily into a frenzy over an offer of crackers, so I can't blame the birds all that much.
• I've developed some great back-pedaling skills.  Maybe from all of the squats?
• Now I've got the ability to run away, be it from a seagull on a carb-seeking mission or an attacker.  I probably couldn't out run a rabid dog yet, but give me time.
• New workout/fear facing exercise: dodge the ferocious seagull obstacle course.
• It's a dangerous world outside of the gym, keep your wits about you!