Week Without Trainers: Day Two

I am so proud of us!  We put ourselves through a tough strength training workout today.  Millie - who should seriously consider a career in personal training - took the lead and made sure we got our muscles moving!  If anyone needs motivation to work out, find a friend who has the same burning desire that you do...it has made all the difference for me!

Week Without Trainers: Day One

When we first heard that we wouldn't have trainers this week we were scared to be quite honest.  I know most people don't have the wonderful benefit of a personal trainer and manage on their own, but you quickly get used to leaning on their leadership. A funny thing happened when we got to the gym today though: we all had stories ofweekend exercise and also a new resolve to show Jeff and Marisa a return on their investment.  We had confidence in ourselves and more knowledge than any of us were expecting.  Millie played trainer-for-the-day and put us through a cardio workout that would make our trainers proud. I walked back into the locker room with wet clothes and something more surprising: the assuredness that I actually know what I'm doing.

The Towel

I've been swimming almost as long as I've been walking, although for the past few years what I called swimming amounted to pretty much standing around in the water.  I approach it in a whole new light now. I approach it as a workout now...getting my muscles in sync to propel myself through the water.  Today I am proud to say I swam half a mile! That is 18 round trip laps down the lane of the pool! My goal is to build up to a mile.  In the locker room of the Y was a quote that said, "You have a choice: to throw in the towel or to wipe your sweat off with it." I know what my choice is!

Quotes to Sum Up the Week

This has been a crazy week and I haven't had time to blog that much, but I will share two quotes that sum up my week:

When my mom inquired as to why a friend's horse had to be put on a diet, saying "Grass can't have that many calories!" The horse owner then stated dryly, "When you eat it all day long it does!"

And the next from my team mate Lakshmi, "Jenn, no one can live in a gym!"

Next week our group is going completely trainer-free to see how much we've learned!  Should be interesting!

The Fever Breaks

Often I see people who are in the same position I was in nine months ago, people who want to change so badly but have given up hope in the face of such a huge challenge.  I totally understand the fear and desperation that keeps them trapped in an unhealthy body because I did if for years.   I wish I had a magical ability to lay my hands on them and let them experience for just a moment how good I feel now.   Those few seconds would be all the motivation they would need.  I'm not superwoman and I have many challenges so believe me: if I can do this, anyone can.

I still have a long ways to go, but even now I have a brand new life!   Sitting in the pool with my cousin Devon this weekend, I told her that one of the best things that has come about is that the inner worry and fear that was living in my old body was gone. It was a thing that occupied my mind almost constantly, whispering to me, "I'm afraid to go (fill in the blank for any number of places) because I might have to park far away and walk and I'll never make it." Or, "I can't sit there because I won't fit." Or, "I can't go there because I might have to stand for a long time." Or, "I can't get out there in my bathing suit in front of every body." 

This weekend was the first time I realized that voice that used to paralyze me and limit my life was gone and the effect was almost like a fever breaking.  You can't imagine how much more at ease I am now, how much more easy going!   It was like getting out of a bad relationship.

Over the long weekend I washed and waxed my car, two hours of physical activity on my feet that I would never have been able to do before. We also went to an outdoor wedding that almost got rained out.  As the storm clouds gathered and the preacher tried to hurry the ceremony along, I was confident in the knowledge that should the skies open up, I could kick off my shoes and run for shelter.    At the after-party after the reception, I played cornhole for an hour and then danced with my husband.   The next day I spent the day at the water park and in the lake, then ran home, got cleaned up and spent two hours walking around Super Wal-mart.   The next day we went out to the race track to see my cousin Charlie race, and walking up and down from where we were set up to the starting line, carrying chairs and coolers, was something I couldn't and wouldn't have done last year - especially in the heat.   I can't lay my hands on people and magically show them how better I feel, but trust me when I say that there's a whole new world waiting out there, and it's awesome!

Go Charlie!

Me and my crazy husband, waiting for the track to cool down and the race to start.

Me and one of my number #1 supporters, Devon

Waging the War

Fighting the fight was tough for me this week.  I 100 calorie-ed myself to death and it resulted in no weight loss after my 8 pound victory last week.  The lesson I learned was that I have a tendency to ease up on my grip once I've had a big loss and not watch things as closely as I did the previous week.  It was tough to stand on the scale and realize that despite all my hard work in the gym, those little "healthy" snacks here and there (and far too often) had caught up with me.  

It turned me into what I despise most: a cry baby.  Right there in front of my gym family, the tidal wave of my guilt and disappointment broke over me and I lost it.  I was so embarrassed but my team surrounded me with love and support that was overwhelming.  I've said it before and will no doubt say it again but the difference for me this time is 100% due to these people: Jeff, Marisa, and my team mates.   I have sweated with them, built muscles with them, shared victories and defeats with them, cried with them, laughed with them, and fought along side them.    I now understand how soldiers become so bonded with each other.  We're not fighting a war with weapons on foreign soil, but rather the war within ourselves and against that part of ourselves that can be equally as dangerous and as deadly as a gun.   To have someone beside you who knows what you are going through and who has been with you through the emotional and physical battles of the weight loss war is powerfully bonding.  As Millie said, we all came into this program expecting to lose weight and get healthy, but what we didn't expect was the amazing friendships that have grown between all of us and our trainers.

Thursday I got emotional but still made it through our workout. Friday I came back fighting...literally in Marisa's kick boxing class.  It felt so good!   I'm good at punches and kicks and it felt awesome to channel my frustrations into some intense cardio set to aggressive Pink songs.  

On this Memorial Day weekend I want to say thank you to all of our troops past and present who have fought the good fight to keep us safe and our freedom intact.   I also want to thank my trainers, my team  mates, and everyone who has supported me fighting the good fight towards health and life.   To anyone out there who is waging the same war as I am and sometimes having those days where you feel like you just can't go on, keep your head up and know that you can endure.  Those bad days will come but in the words of Pink, "So what. I'm still a rock star."

When The Road Gets Rough

Watching The Biggest Loser finale this week I found it interesting to hear Ally congratulate each contestant on their "journey" because that's what I've called my own struggle since that first day in September.    If you have more than just 10 pounds to lose, the struggle is a journey.  The road has it's twists and turns. Sometimes there's a sunny day where you have the top down, wind in your hair, cruising at top speed with your favorite song on the stereo and nothing but smooth, flat pavement ahead of you.   Then some days, the road is jagged, curvy, and you feel like you're headed straight up a mountain in a rain storm, with nothing in your gas tank and two flat tires. 

Last week the journey was like a fun college road trip.  This week has been more of the treacherous commute variety.   My right foot hurt so bad during my workouts and for some reason I just didn't have much energy.  My competitive spirit was on the bench and sent the next player, Survival Mode Jenn, into the game in its place.

Tuesday Marisa set up one circuit that included 50 bench step ups.   When it was my turn, I stood behind the bench, put the supporting leg up, took a deep breathe and....stepped back in defeat.  I stared at the bench.  I started to step up and then stepped back again.   I was afraid and irrational.   Then I walked away and went into the group exercise room by myself in frustration, defeat and embarrassment.  

After some coaching from Marisa, I came out and found Millie on one side of the bench and Sylvia on the other.  "I know you can do this." Marisa said.   I looked at Millie and then at Sylvia.  They had total faith in me, more than I had in myself.   I took a deep breathe, backed up a couple of steps for momentum and lifted myself up onto that bench.   Then I did it again. Then I did it 48 more times, encouraged on the whole way by Millie, Sylvia and Marisa.  That's the difference.  When the road gets rough, when you're out of gas, when your tires are busted and you're stranded...having your support team is better than triple A any day!